Night sitting.

The night of Saturday 7 December through to the morning of Sunday 8 December, I spent night sitting. It was Rohatsu, the Zen Buddhist celebration of the Buddha’s enlightenment day.

I began with a long, winding, mindful night walk, along the side of the valley, out of the forest, up onto the hill. Then, collecting a flask of tea, and hot water bottle, I wrapped myself in a meditation blanket, and sat out, under the blackest night sky, strewn with stars. 

Shooting stars came and went, thoughts came and went, and all was watched, and noticed. There was someone meditating. There was meditation. There was me, in awareness of all of this. It was beautiful. It still is.

This time last year, I was meditating hard, tight with the urge for enlightenment, awakening. Many things were already moving for me then. This year, as Shinzan Roshi (Zen Master in the lineage I trained in) described we should be – diamond like intention, light as a feather, floating, a living meditation. No goal. No aim. Just the sheer delight of sitting Rohatsu this time.

The great revelation of this? I was no longer searching. Somewhere along the line, last year, this year, it unfolded that I found what I was so desperately seeking. It came to me when I stopped trying. When I let go, stopped flapping my wings, and allowed myself to glide on the breeze of life.